Hairy Otter and the Bathroom of Lies

hairy otter

The following is a summary to go along with my second Hairy Otter pin! Please make sure you have read the previous story!

Hairy Otter and the Bathroom of Lies!

Last year was so lucrative for Hairy Otter that he decided to leave his cupboard under the bridge once again and set out for Derblewarts School of This at That. This year Hairy was one year older, one inch taller, and had an extra layer of fur. He was so excited to see his best friends Herflyonie Danger and Won-Won Weasel that he didn't notice the spastic naked mole rat bouncing behind him. 

After three months of hearing a small hiccup-like sound at his feet, Hairy looked down and spotted the naked mole rat. The mole rat was very bug-eyed and wore three holey socks (and nothing else). 

"Hairy Otter, 'tis I, Globby the Naked Mole Rat and I FORBID you to return to Derblewarts!"

Hairy and Globby talked it over for the remaining six and three-quarter months of the journey. When they finally arrived at the gates of the warehouse, Hairy decided he better just go in since he had travelled so far. Plus, Globby refused to give Hairy a specific reason for his plea (other than something about certain death). Hairy bid farewell to the mole rat and was greeted his best friends. 

This year in his Defense of Things That Wiggle class, Hairy had a new teacher. The teacher was a sexy manbeast named Professor Shockheart and boy could he dance the Charleston! However, he was a horrible teacher and knocked things over constantly. Herflyonie had to teach the class most of time while Won-Won and Hairy cleaned up all the knocked over wiggly things. What a mess. To make things worse, the mean Slitherrot kids squished one of the wiggly slugs on Won-Won's widdle weasel head. Bleh!

One Tuesday, Herflyonie, and Won-Won almost got eaten by a giant spider. Their favorite teacher, Bagrid really loved putting his students in mortal peril. As Hairy ran for his life from the giant spider he wondered if this was the danger Globby had tried to warn him about. Or maybe it was the wacky carnivorous tree outside Hairy's dorm window that he was supposed to fear. Or maybe it was the staircases that kept moving zig and zag as he went to class. Or maybe, just maybe Hairy was supposed to be afraid of the 32 students that went missing daily. Instead of stressing out about the daily empty classroom chairs, Hairy focused on his dodgeball game. Dodgeball was much easier with less kids anyway. On no! Dodgeball was cancelled! Now what?

Just then Herflyonie approached Hairy with a large book titled "Miss Know-it-Alls Guide to Knowing it All." Herflyonie really wanted to know where all the missing kids were because her hair was getting super frizzy or something (Hairy wasn't really paying attention). The book said something about flushing away your fears so the kids found themselves in the fourth floor girl's bathroom. 

Oh noes! That crazy Professor Shockheart was in the bathroom practicing his Charleston and then knocked over a sink! Under the sink was a hole just big enough for the three best friends to jump down. They fell down the hole for what seemed like days. Finally, they hit the bottom and landed on a pile of all the lost children. The children were alive--mostly.

"How on Earth did you get down here?" Hairy Otter asked. 

One of the kids (who happened to be Won-Won's kinda cute sister) Spinny explained they fell down the hole while using the toilet. One after another, they just kept getting flushed because they were small animals and the toilets were human-sized.

Hairy thought for a second and then realized Spinny was lying! None of the animals were wet and they all smelled really nice. Some of them were even wearing party dresses and little hats. So they couldn't have been flushed down the toilet! No way, no how. It was then that Globby appeared out of nearby pipe and exclaimed "Happy Birthday, Hairy Otter!"

Herflyonie and Won-Won chuckled. "Happy Birthday" they said in unison. 

Hairy was confused, and a little angry. Also, it wasn't his birthday. 

"But, it isn't my birthday! And even if it was, all these kids have missed a lot of school to wait down here for me to discover them in a hole below the fourth floor bathroom."

Globby explained he was bored and was the puppet master behind the series of events all year that led Hairy down the hole. He also said he was sorry and felt trapped in an existential routine brought on by a traumatic upbringing. And he also was missing a sock.

"What a bunch of lies!" Hairy shouted at Globby. 

Hairy then tossed a dirty old sock at Globby and marched towards a big door marked "Exit."

The end.


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